My underwear smells like fireworks.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
