so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
