So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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