And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
