On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
