VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
