Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
