i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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