I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
