if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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