im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We don't watch enough power rangers
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
