if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
