did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
