first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
