You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
