dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Randomize
