24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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