so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
