they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
