Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
