I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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