He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What a fucking waste of an outfit
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
