We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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