i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
