before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
