we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
