Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
