; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
