We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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