Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Even my vagina gasped.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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