dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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