listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
