Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
