so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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