Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
