I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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