Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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