shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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