im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
