Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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