my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
