You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
