I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
