I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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