Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
