bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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