Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
