I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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