i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize