I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
