Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize