just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
