Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
