I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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