He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
