I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
