Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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