well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
