im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
