my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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