batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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