Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
