We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
