He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am available for nakedness
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
