I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize