What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
