Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
