You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
