Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
