He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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