I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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