I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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