Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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