I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
